illusion

Lately I've noticed how much our culture (or maybe just those who are around 30 and under) is content with the illusion of company. For instance, I'm bored sitting at home by myself, so I decide to twitter and let the world know what I'm doing or thinking. All 40 of them. :) Or I'm waiting at a doctor's office, and I'm not interested in flipping through magazines. So I get online on my phone, read an email, read a blog, check my facebook notifications, text a few people I haven't heard from in a few hours, and I feel a little more content with the time I've had to wait. As if I've spent my time actually interacting with someone.

But the truth is, I have not. I have only been occupied (not interacting) with something that is not alive, breathing, emotional, feeling, or loving. I have allowed its substitute, a mere representation of a person (if on a social network) to be enough. And I have allowed the exposure and expression of my own self to take the place of real scheduled encounters with people I call friends.

Is there a healthy guilt that should come with recognizing this substitution? I think so. We all like to find justifications for it, claiming that we spend as much time on the phone or in person with those who really matter to us as we would without these networks, but I'm not sure that is true. I'm pretty sure my phone would be ringing more, or I would be calling people way more to find out about their lives, if the world wide web didn't already provide us such an easy way to stalk people and stay in-the-know, without them ever knowing.

I like how Brent makes points and gives truths in his sermons by saying what things are NOT, and then what they ARE. So I'm going to list things that are NOT company, they are only an illusion. Just something to occupy our time. Think about how often we are tricked.

Things that don't make great company (how rude):

Facebook
Twitter
Twitpics
Blogs
Myspace
Texts

Things that make great company:

People

far from home

Lately my heart has been comforted by the fact that this earth is not my home. We know it, we sing about heaven, but I know I'm one of the ones who doesn't usually live like it. My heart typically responds more passionately to the things that I will be leaving behind instead of the One I will be with forever. And I have been challenged lately to reverse this way of responding to life and to circumstances.

I wanted to post some lyrics to two songs that have spoken true of this fact: that our existence on earth will not ever be fully resolved, and that is how it is meant to be. 1 Peter 2:11 refers to us as "aliens and strangers in the world". On days where I have felt a longing for more, a discontent with the way I am, or the way sin affects our existence, I have embraced this part of God's plan, with these lyrics helping me.

If I find in myself
Desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude
That I, I was not made for here

If the flesh that I fight
Is at best only light and momentary,
Then of course I'll feel nude
When to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

C.S. Lewis Song by Brooke Fraser

Soon and very soon my King is coming
Robed in righteousness and crowned with love
When I see Him I shall be made like Him
Soon and very soon

Soon and very soon I"ll be going
To the place He has prepared for me
There my sin erased, my shame forgotten
Soon and very soon

I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon

Soon by Hillsong United

how far i haven't come

i realized, recently, that much of my spiritual turmoil, 99% of the time, can be traced back to eve and the original sin.

reluctance, fear, impatience, hesitation, and manipulation are things (i've started to notice) i portray when it comes to my response or approach to God and decisions that present themselves to me. big and small. i also portray these things in relationships around me and as it is being revealed to me, i relate to our first lady.

these things are all rooted in sin. the very sin eve committed: wanting to KNOW. eve wanted to know good and evil. she thought that knowing these things would make her like God in her knowledge.

i'm not sure i consciously have thoughts of wanting to be like God (in the way eve did), but i definitely am way too driven by thoughts of wanting to know. wanting to know... WHEN? WHY? WHO? HOW? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? HOW CAN I HELP?

the frequency in which these questions arise demonstrates that at least part of me thinks that God needs my help. that i need to be in charge. and if i'm not in charge, i somehow am driven by the desire to at least know something until i can be in charge. sick.

God has been teaching me submission lately. that it really is part of His plan for me to never fully know His plan! sometimes it's painful to see areas where i am the most weak, and need the most help, and this is one of them. i can't submit to friends, family, authority, wisdom, and a future spouse, if i am not actively submitting to God in my daily worries, decisions, and aspirations. roof off (me and God). walls down (me and others).

it's no coincidence that Brent preached Sunday on the topic of "the art of waiting." it was so timely and convicting. as i aspire to be more purposeful (and less anxious) in waiting, i know that God will continue to guide me and give me humility to submit and trust.