Tuesday, April 28, 2009

praises

praise God for:

His undeniable leadership

my job for next year!

the book "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson that has changed and is changing my life

my church, In Focus

roommates with big hearts and love for God and me

rest

friends who challenge the way I live and respond

conviction

sunshine

colors

smiles and new chances

Friday, April 17, 2009

faith rage

faith rage= faith like road rage

i think i have it.
i woke up from a nap today with this analogy in my head.
probably because lately, i've wrestled with the seemingly contrasting ideas of waiting on God and responding to God.
what if my response to God is just to wait on Him?

here's why it's difficult: as someone who has impatience running thick through her blood, paired with terrible road rage when it comes to being at the mercy of traffic jams, i can't help but think my faith has suffered from these traits.

i'm the person who has to "work" to slow down and rest.
so i'm also a christian who has to actively pursue the wait.
it is difficult for someone like me who likes to seek certainty in something and then respond by moving forward or moving on. sometimes i feel a decisive response is necessary when things are most uncertain and anxiety-causing. surely i must take action. make a decision. change the way i live and pursue God

instead of interpreting those times as God's indication to move, what if they are actually His way of getting me to stay. and wait. what makes it hard is that it requires a complete surrender of control. and i apparently do not, by nature, enjoy giving up control when i feel it isn't necessary.

on the road, i am constantly looking for ways to change my situation and get back control. can i ease out? can i take a short cut? how can i solve this problem? how can i gain back control? i think i treat God the same way sometimes.

this is a problem, but i'm glad to be wrestling with it.
the times where i am not in control of my life, and not even able to explain myself, are sometimes the best times for God to strip me, convict me, draw me, and change me. and remind me to TRUST HIM and not my theories. i'm excited that my trust can more easily be put in Jesus when i'm not the one maneuvering around like a maniac.

in the words of emmy rossum, "i need you to slow me down."

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hallelujah, King forever

There's a secret I must tell
Of all the love I've found
And it's hidden in my heart
The day you tore my world apart

Hallelujah, King forever, friend and Saviour

Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood, Jesus' blood

And this secret, it will run
To the corners of the earth
Where every woman, every son
Will carry high their chains undone

Hallelujah, King forever, friend and Saviour

Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood, Jesus' blood

Sing your songs of freedom
Praise the God of heaven
Love that never fails me
Jesus' blood, Jesus' blood

Thursday, April 2, 2009

wowzer.

so i think if i could compare my life to something right now...it wouldn't be the hurricane i found myself in about a year ago.

but it WOULD be a jack or jill rolling down the hill uncontrollably. limbs flailing around wildly. i'm actually ready for the slope to level out, and the roll to slow down so i can brush off the grass, leaves, and mud. so i can have a clear thought again, and start walking. :) not a dizzy, crooked walk. a semi-straight one. :)

the past few months of my life in a nutshell:

car wreck
car wreck #2 (totaled)
new (used) car purchased (made possible by the huge blessing of a gift of $1000 for my south africa trip....see www.thetrackingblog.com for the full testimony blog...)
seeing God answer prayer and provide!!! my PORTION
SOUTH AFRICA march 6-17
..........................wow.
(see karla's most recent blog)
getting back into teaching
reflecting on Africa and my heart's condition
preparing for ITBS test
summer job search
next school year job search
interviews
wedding music practice
wedding decorating
church stage set up
youth group fundraiser
birthdays
lunch dates
naps?? NO TIME FOR THAT.
laundry?? NO TIME FOR THAT.
eating right?? I WISH.
relationships?? SPORATIC.

spring break has finally arrived. i am breathing and i think i've slowed my roll. :)
i thank God for all of the amazing ways He has provided and pulled my heart in during the middle of a very busy time in my life.

while some things require "wind-down" and "preparation", i'm thankful that my worship does not. as things slow down, and as i MAKE myself slow down, i hope i can clearly see and not miss what God has for me next. He is so good and faithful.

can't wait to start writing again!