faith rage

faith rage= faith like road rage

i think i have it.
i woke up from a nap today with this analogy in my head.
probably because lately, i've wrestled with the seemingly contrasting ideas of waiting on God and responding to God.
what if my response to God is just to wait on Him?

here's why it's difficult: as someone who has impatience running thick through her blood, paired with terrible road rage when it comes to being at the mercy of traffic jams, i can't help but think my faith has suffered from these traits.

i'm the person who has to "work" to slow down and rest.
so i'm also a christian who has to actively pursue the wait.
it is difficult for someone like me who likes to seek certainty in something and then respond by moving forward or moving on. sometimes i feel a decisive response is necessary when things are most uncertain and anxiety-causing. surely i must take action. make a decision. change the way i live and pursue God

instead of interpreting those times as God's indication to move, what if they are actually His way of getting me to stay. and wait. what makes it hard is that it requires a complete surrender of control. and i apparently do not, by nature, enjoy giving up control when i feel it isn't necessary.

on the road, i am constantly looking for ways to change my situation and get back control. can i ease out? can i take a short cut? how can i solve this problem? how can i gain back control? i think i treat God the same way sometimes.

this is a problem, but i'm glad to be wrestling with it.
the times where i am not in control of my life, and not even able to explain myself, are sometimes the best times for God to strip me, convict me, draw me, and change me. and remind me to TRUST HIM and not my theories. i'm excited that my trust can more easily be put in Jesus when i'm not the one maneuvering around like a maniac.

in the words of emmy rossum, "i need you to slow me down."