ps...

on a much lighter note than below, i am totally into "so you think you can dance" this season. somehow i missed out on this deal up until now.

here's one of my favorites I found while searching youtube. it's from an old season.

changes

so i made some changes to this page. why do i love details soo much?

i am determined to be techno-savvy. if i want to pursue this whole design/art/graphics thing, i have to be self motivated and determined. maybe i could just be an art teacher? that's a solution, and cheap. $200 for the GA certification test for Art Ed. too bad the next test date is July something....and the earliest date for receiving scores is September 22. hm. can't teach art, for now.

but really, i want to be good at layouts, editing photos, coming up with original ideas....creating something....a visual product. i guess i was hoping to magically be good at all of that? with no classes....no technology purchases...? can i start college over?

eesh. today was one where my wheels turned too much and i thought of like 8 ideas for what i could try to do next, but there was no resolve.
goal for this week: i want a complete day to go by where i'm not consumed for at least two hours with job searches on the internet and resume editing. ew.

i need the Lord to help my unbelief, skepticism, and fear. help my faith. God teach me to trust and pray so that you can come through for me. this mess is beautiful to you and already taking shape in your hands. thank you for your steady work. you never slumber. your love doesn't grow tired.

she's a brick

so tonight was a fun saturday night. my friend jordan and i took too many pictures on this brick wall. i discovered picasa and its wonders. we cruised broad street jamming to old kelly clarkson hits and the prince of egypt soundtrack. :) to wind down our adventures, we decided to get a piece of "perfect chocolate cake" from the boll weevil -to go-, and rented "the other boleyn girl". it was intense and scandalous. i am thankful that arranged marriages are a part of history. umm....and jordan vaccummed up a spider. it was alive. was.

i love commercials

saw two commercials today that caught my attention.

1st: the one about americans going to japan to be on a japanese game show....it's airing tomorrow: "i survived a japanese gameshow"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMvSMHHM3qw&feature=related

if you've never seen clips from an actual japanese game show, go to youtube and type in "human tetris" and also, "mxc surfboard of death"....those are just a few clips of the amazing ideas the japanese have come up with. pretty brilliant and hilarious. thanks ruel.

2nd: the one about these new snacks, made to taste like kraft macaroni and cheese....?!

sick.

God's love

please read "the shack" (william young). i am passing along a recommendation, from a recommendation, from a recommendation. it's crazy how this book has circled among my friends and how it has sparked some really neat and unscripted conversation about God, the trinity, his deep love for his children, and the freedom he desires for us in pure, honest relationship with him.

enjoy it for what it is.

next on my list: crazy love, by frances chan. i heard him speak for the first time at passion 08 in atlanta. he was refreshing and passionate, and i had to check out his website, and eventually buy his book. he's onto the idea (also an underlying theme in the shack...) that instead of trying to attain godly disciplines to please the Father and to know him more, that if we fall madly in love with Jesus, our whole approach will change. the whole relationship rather than religion thing, which also isn't a new idea. :) but i'm excited about the read. i'll give my thoughts.

http://www.crazylovebook.com/

why we love

so i was watching "the bachelorette" last night. yes, i'm one of those. anyway, the current bachelorette, deanna, got in a tizzy one afternoon because the guys were playing and hanging out with each other more than they were attending to her. one guy was pouting inside because he was so nervous about his date with her that night. another guy had already ticked her off because he refused a kiss that she asked for. deanna sat all the men down, and scolded them for being selfish. she told them to go home if they didn't want to be there, if they weren't there for her.

in a discussion with my sister and friends, we decided the deanna was bent more towards the men who went out of their way to show her attention. in the songwriting, singing contest, she chose as a winner the guy who touched her hand while he sang to her. as far as the rose ceremony goes, she kicked off the guys (with the exception of one) who weren't going out of their way to be different, to show her that they were unique and that she was special.

deanna isn't necessarily wrong in these choices. maybe her little spat was a bit much. but it didn't take the guys long to figure out why she was mad. they realized it was because they were too wrapped up in each other, and not giving her enough attention.

it's funny....how we tend to love people who love us first.

i think this is our human nature. i know it's mine. it's even in the bible- our love for God is -originally- a response to His love for us.

while we all know that loving without knowing we'll be loved in return is a risk worth taking, i wonder how often people end up loving somebody just because they are certain the love will be returned. they are in a safe relationship, that they chose, because they knew what the outcome would be. i wonder if people sometimes lend their affections to people who simply offer a little bit of their own first at no cost and without asking for it in return.

are we really just selfish lovers, who love so we can be loved?

i wanna be an unselfish lover. it's not in me. i need help with it.

"It [love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
1 Corinthians 13:5

starting off

so i'm not sure if i think blogs are really that cool. or necessary. but i do lots of things, and enjoy lots, that aren't at all necessary. and that probably aren't cool. anyway, i'm gonna give it a shot. just like we all did with facebook when it was a little new and weird....and some of us with myspace, as well. all dis mess. i definitely like to write and read what other people write, so it should be fun. :)

i just got home from IMPACT, a Christian leadership camp in Toccoa. it was amazing, as usual, and the Lord used a lot of people in some really neat ways to minister to high school students from all over the state. something that was really tight (a word that i overuse, and is probably old school.....i am aware....but love it anyway) was that Mike, our speaker, really gets it. my heart was overjoyed when i heard him speaking to students that our generation has a task- a task that hasn't necessarily been modeled for them in the church-- but a task of loving the people around them so much that Christ is undeniable, and that people start giving church a chance again. Mike challenged them with the whole "let's get our hands dirty" talk...an idea that i think our generation has embraced for a while, and many churches have also embraced. the pendulum has swung back and forth many times, i'm sure- there is nothing new under the sun-but i like where it's swinging now. i like that these teenagers are really accepting others and loving others in their differences. they will be effective in ways that will look new (sadly) to so many Christians and non-Christians. it will be powerful. it already is powerful.

my summer so far started with camp, and so i haven't quite had a day to myself yet. this summer will be spent figuring out what's next. ahg. i have no idea... and am learning to be ok with that, while at the same time, hoping to take some practical steps to make SOMEthing happen in the next few months....something hopefully that I will enjoy more so than teaching. i'm still trying to enjoy the journey and not be anxious about bills, saving money, medical insurance, and roommates. my heart is set on being atlanta bound....but who knows. i don't want to "write" it down in my mind and then get mad when i have to erase it. so i'm trying to be as open as i can to what God might take me to next. i love that matt papa and his band have written some amazing songs that are very missional and about going where God leads- giving up the american dream, offering up our lives as living sacrifices. that's what I want to do. i need His help.

i think blogs are supposed to be shorter than this one, and a little lighter. i'll try to do better. not that i can even predict who will read this among my friends and...semi-friends (the internet ones...) ha.

i'm going to go spray some more ants, because they took over my house when i was at camp.