God's workmanship

i was talking to a friend today who said there was joy and contentment in my voice.

my response was yes, there is. hallelujurr! (in madea's words)... God is good like that. He gives us days that are light. days when the burdens of yesterday aren't so heavy, and the glass is half full rather than half empty. i love that about Him. it is the gentle Lamb allowing us to trust and rely on His Lion characteristics. just when i think life has become too intense, or that i have become too stuck in my ways or foolish thinking, He lifts me up and out of my "pits", sometimes flesh pits, sometimes just pits made out of my own boredom or self pity....and He sets my feet upon a rock, a solid place, of rest and reassurance.

sometimes, i think i take myself, other people, life, or ministry too seriously. on heavy days, i can quickly become anxious and untrusting because of my determination and self-reliance. they make me too serious because i feel i have the power or responsibility to fix or control every problem. it's so funny to think about, really. i sometimes think...."and WHO ever told you to bear the weight of the world?? really?..." yes. yes, i know.

on other days, even the light ones, i realize that while i can be a bit intense, it doesn't change the fact that people are, in fact, very important and complex creatures and do require most of our time, attention, affection, grace, and way too many other things to take lightly without study or concern or attention to detail. without LOVE.

i read an article yesterday in "relevant" that confirmed this thought. i will end with a section of it-with the comforting thought in mind that God gives us the tools to love people and do all we can to make a difference to those around us, and to come out of our own pits to do so, if we can allow ourselves to trust Him first.

people will say, "we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously," which to some extent is true. but it's also important to remember, as the ever-direct (but occasionally ironic) C.S. Lewis famously noted: "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." existence is inescapably serious. as stupid as people can be, and as silly as this world sometimes seems, we cannot forsake the truth that people are holy beings who will eternally exist- for better or worse. if our generation will realize this- that not everything can be made light of and that irony has its limits- perhaps there is hope for us yet. -brett mccracken

moments later

i have seen lately how manipulative and intentional the enemy can be in the life of a Christ follower.
i have felt him, observed his ways. they are tricky, painful, and exhausting. i am in a battle and i think for the first time in my life, i realize the full need to armor up. it is clear to me that if i don't, i will quickly and pathetically be swallowed by defeat.

for me, he makes his playground in my mind.

he knows how to ruin me, not even days....moments sometimes...after i resolve to think differently. to take every thought captive and make it obedient. for instance...

i resolve to believe the truth and dismiss the lies; he enables me to relive and replay scenes in my mind that pull me into negativity and critical thinking-- failures, pasts, statistics, what if?s...

i resolve to trust God more; the enemy reminds me of all the reasons to be skeptical, cautious, and to resort to what I know

i resolve to wait; the enemy tells me that no decision IS a decision and that i am disobeying if i'm not making one

i resolve to rest; the enemy shows me all of my commitments and pursuits and laughs in my face

i resolve to follow God, even in the risk; satan reminds me that the safe places feel good, and are a lot less lonely


for these reasons, with my resolve and my determination, i absolutely MUST spend the moments that follow, and the rest of my LIFE, re-submitting to God, re-trusting Him for power, and renewing my mind with the beautiful truth of His word and who He is. i also must re-think the level of difficulty, and the amount of strength i thought it might not require....ha. thank you, satan, for reminding me how quickly i must hasten to my God to supply all of my needs. when i recognize you again, may i be quicker. and the next time, quicker.

shout out

I found this monthly post by Leslie Ludy on her site, Set Apart Girl.

It challenged and reminded me of the urgency I want to feel when it comes to spending time with God. Hope it spurs you on to pick up your pace as we chase our Father, the "Wild Goose" who never stops! :)

Spiritual Determination by Leslie Ludy

In some of my books, I’ve mentioned how I love to listen to Scripture on my IPOD–while I’m driving, cleaning, or waiting for an appointment. This week as I was cleaning out my closet (part of the whole “nesting” instinct, since I have another baby coming in a few weeks!) I was listening to the book of Mark, and heard the story of the sick man who’s friends were so determined to get him to Jesus that they climbed up onto the roof and let his bed down through the ceiling:

And when they could not come near Him because of the crowd, they uncovered the roof where He was. So when they had broken through, they let down the bed on which the paralytic was lying. (Mark 2:4)


When Jesus saw their faith, he forgave the man’s sins and healed him from his sickness. They knew that Jesus was the only one who could help their friend. So they loaded him onto a bed and brought him to the place where Jesus was. When they saw that it was impossible to get to Jesus because of the crowds, they didn’t turn back and say, “Oh well, at least we tried.” They refused to give in to defeat. They were willing go to any and all means to remove the obstacles keeping them from laying their sick friend at Christ’s feet. This is the kind of dogged faith and spiritual determination that God responds to. Their determination and commitment yielded great rewards.

This story convicted and challenged me in a whole new way as I heard it. How many times do we allow the “crowds” to keep us from laying our cares at Jesus’ feet? Without Him, we can do nothing – He is the one who has everything we need for life and godliness. But how often to we allow circumstances, busyness and distractions to keep us from Him? The past few weeks, my life has been exceptionally full with travel, deadlines, household projects and of course caring for three little munchkins under the age of four! During busy seasons, it’s all too easy to make a half-hearted attempt to guard my time in God’s presence – rather than being willing to do whatever it takes to come and kneel at Jesus’ feet. Andrew Bonar once said,

O brothers and sisters, pray; in spite of Satan, pray; spend hours in prayer; rather neglect friends than not pray; rather fast, and lose breakfast, dinner, tea, and supper – and sleep too – than not pray. And we must not talk about prayer, we must pray in right earnest. The Lord is near. He comes softly while the virgins slumber.

Are we willing to lose sleep, food, productivity, social status, and “down time” in order to come before our Lord every day and make Him the highest priority of our life? Do we have a spiritual determination that says, “no obstacle will keep me from my King – even if I must go to the rooftop and break through the house tiles to get to Him!”? Or do we make half-hearted attempts to spend time in prayer, and when distractions arise say, “Oh well, at least I tried.” God has been challenging me on this point at a whole new level. I have realized afresh that I must allow nothing to become an excuse to keep me from Him.

Whenever I catch myself saying, “Well, I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m 7 months pregnant, so I probably should just have a short quiet time and call it good,” that’s when I know that my spiritual determination has weakened, that I’ve allowed the cares of this world to creep in and keep me from my King. May we never be content with a paltry, half-hearted spiritual life or say, “once I’m done with this busy time, I’ll get back to true prayer.” Rather, let us doggedly, determinedly remove any and every obstacle that keeps us from coming to Him daily, spending hours in His presence, and receiving everything we need for life and godliness!

Monday, April 27, 2009

praises

praise God for:

His undeniable leadership

my job for next year!

the book "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson that has changed and is changing my life

my church, In Focus

roommates with big hearts and love for God and me

rest

friends who challenge the way I live and respond

conviction

sunshine

colors

smiles and new chances

faith rage

faith rage= faith like road rage

i think i have it.
i woke up from a nap today with this analogy in my head.
probably because lately, i've wrestled with the seemingly contrasting ideas of waiting on God and responding to God.
what if my response to God is just to wait on Him?

here's why it's difficult: as someone who has impatience running thick through her blood, paired with terrible road rage when it comes to being at the mercy of traffic jams, i can't help but think my faith has suffered from these traits.

i'm the person who has to "work" to slow down and rest.
so i'm also a christian who has to actively pursue the wait.
it is difficult for someone like me who likes to seek certainty in something and then respond by moving forward or moving on. sometimes i feel a decisive response is necessary when things are most uncertain and anxiety-causing. surely i must take action. make a decision. change the way i live and pursue God

instead of interpreting those times as God's indication to move, what if they are actually His way of getting me to stay. and wait. what makes it hard is that it requires a complete surrender of control. and i apparently do not, by nature, enjoy giving up control when i feel it isn't necessary.

on the road, i am constantly looking for ways to change my situation and get back control. can i ease out? can i take a short cut? how can i solve this problem? how can i gain back control? i think i treat God the same way sometimes.

this is a problem, but i'm glad to be wrestling with it.
the times where i am not in control of my life, and not even able to explain myself, are sometimes the best times for God to strip me, convict me, draw me, and change me. and remind me to TRUST HIM and not my theories. i'm excited that my trust can more easily be put in Jesus when i'm not the one maneuvering around like a maniac.

in the words of emmy rossum, "i need you to slow me down."

Hallelujah, King forever

There's a secret I must tell
Of all the love I've found
And it's hidden in my heart
The day you tore my world apart

Hallelujah, King forever, friend and Saviour

Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood, Jesus' blood

And this secret, it will run
To the corners of the earth
Where every woman, every son
Will carry high their chains undone

Hallelujah, King forever, friend and Saviour

Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood never fails me,
Jesus' blood, Jesus' blood

Sing your songs of freedom
Praise the God of heaven
Love that never fails me
Jesus' blood, Jesus' blood

wowzer.

so i think if i could compare my life to something right now...it wouldn't be the hurricane i found myself in about a year ago.

but it WOULD be a jack or jill rolling down the hill uncontrollably. limbs flailing around wildly. i'm actually ready for the slope to level out, and the roll to slow down so i can brush off the grass, leaves, and mud. so i can have a clear thought again, and start walking. :) not a dizzy, crooked walk. a semi-straight one. :)

the past few months of my life in a nutshell:

car wreck
car wreck #2 (totaled)
new (used) car purchased (made possible by the huge blessing of a gift of $1000 for my south africa trip....see www.thetrackingblog.com for the full testimony blog...)
seeing God answer prayer and provide!!! my PORTION
SOUTH AFRICA march 6-17
..........................wow.
(see karla's most recent blog)
getting back into teaching
reflecting on Africa and my heart's condition
preparing for ITBS test
summer job search
next school year job search
interviews
wedding music practice
wedding decorating
church stage set up
youth group fundraiser
birthdays
lunch dates
naps?? NO TIME FOR THAT.
laundry?? NO TIME FOR THAT.
eating right?? I WISH.
relationships?? SPORATIC.

spring break has finally arrived. i am breathing and i think i've slowed my roll. :)
i thank God for all of the amazing ways He has provided and pulled my heart in during the middle of a very busy time in my life.

while some things require "wind-down" and "preparation", i'm thankful that my worship does not. as things slow down, and as i MAKE myself slow down, i hope i can clearly see and not miss what God has for me next. He is so good and faithful.

can't wait to start writing again!